Saturday, September 26, 2009

Southern Family Stuff

Right now, I'm in Charlotte, going to that wedding I mentioned in my last story. I am excited, particularly after the very fun rehearsal dinner last night, a huge BBQ-style deal that was at somebody's very gorgeous house out on the Charlotte 'burbs. The houses in the area reminded me of the mansion at the end of the second Harold and Kumar movie. The particular house we were at had a Colonial-style church on the lot behind it, which was brightly illuminated and provided a nice view. Even nicer was (have been) everyone I've encountered since I stepped off the plane. I know I live in one of the least friendly cities in the world, but even after factoring that in, I am struck by how familial and relaxed people are here. Not only is it refreshing, it's infectious. On principal, I try to avoid being rude to customer service people, but here I can't help being extra nice. It feels good to really smile and mean it when you say "Thank you so much."

One thing I got to do (and there are pictures of it) is hold my cousin Amy's new baby daughter. Now, I generally don't like kids. They're loud and dirty and irrational. They don't know how to blow their noses or edit what they say. They carry germs and terrible television is produced every day in their name. However, babies who don't cry for twenty-four hours straight, are adorable, and Little Natalia is no exception. Once she was handed to me I was reluctant to give her up. Amy is also a great parent. After only a few months, she's devoted to her baby but doesn't hover or antagonize other grownups. She also trusts her relatives. When we got there and Amy came up to give us all hugs, we asked where Natalia was and she said "Oh, she's being held by somebody over there." When I grow up, I want to be a mommy like Amy.

Today is the second wedding in the space of about two months that I'll be going to. I'm not going to draw any unfair comparisons between the two (except for the DJ; Jessie and Satish had the best wedding DJ ever). The wedding also won't go all night, so there might still be time to check out the bars and sample the locals. And will Lucy ever relinquish the bathroom? Only time will tell.

Friday, September 18, 2009

My Night with Hollywood Canteen

I'm staying up late to watch Hollywood Canteen on TCM, a 1944 musical comedy written and directed by Delmer Daves, and starring everyone and their mother who was under contract at Warner Brothers at that time.

Robert Hutton plays a GI named 'Slim' who shows up in Hollywood with a buddy. His Bronx-born buddy goes off to drink and Slim wanders around in a montage sequence that features every miracle mile intersection possible. Its the kind of montage that you would only get if you've ever actually spent a fair amount of time in Hollywood, so I have a feeling signs for Sunset and Cahuenga went over Middle America's heads. After doing that, Slim is hungry and goes to a full lunch counter where the customers are all rude to him and the counter man sasses him, a sequence that seems less 1944 and more 1969. All they need is for an extra at the end of the bar to yell "Baby killer!" and this movie would be ageless.

So Slim finds his way to the Hollywood Canteen, and nelly-ass Joe E. Brown is holding court at the entrance, surrounded by sailors who are totally in heat for his autograph. I swear Brown does not actually make a single joke, and he has probably three facial expressions, but the laughs from the extras around him seem to come naturally. I hope they all got SAG vouchers for that one.

Jane Wyman (looking very tan and dark-haired) shows Slim to the counter, where there is A) no line and B) Barbara Stanwyck doling out slop. She and Slimster flirt back and forth in what is the first really magical moment of the movie. Getting the moves put on you by Barbara Stanwyck must have been a uniquely intimidating and exciting experience, and this is the closest I will ever get. Thanks Hollywood Canteen!

One of the busboys is drop-dead handsome John Garfield. He and Slim start chatting and it's homoeroticism at first sight. Garfield vows to find golden woman Joan Leslie to sacrifice to the Slim.

Slim keeps wandering around asking other famous people where Joan Leslie is. Not creepy at all, right? And even though the place is jam packed, they have plenty of time to help him. When Joan Leslie shows up to work dressed in a shimmering cape (what else you gonna wear to night shift?), Bette Davis grabs her and gets her to say yes to meeting him.

Some other musical numbers.

Slim finally meets Joan Leslie. And naturally it's love at first sight. Joan is stunning and the scene between them is beautiful and understated, one of those scenes that makes you wish that all of one's life could be a 1940's movie. Also three words concerning Bette Davis that I can take home from this whole interlude: Best. Wingman. Ever.

John Garfield is being a voyeur i mean gazing longingly at Slim I mean love's young dream happening over in the corner. One stern look from Bette Davis snaps him right out of it.

A soldier hits on Eddie Cantor. Eddie discovers that he's not that funny, and that the young people don't know who he is any more. He and Nora Martin do a song. Then Eddie invites a sailor up and gives him a kiss and makes a gay joke at his expense.

S.Z. Sakall's face gets molested (and roughly) by three different soldiers who he calls 'gheneral.' I cover my lap. What is this movie doing to me?

The Sons of the Pioneers appear and sing something. Roy Rogers rides in on Trigger and the extras part like the Red Sea, which would TOTALLY happen in real life (as SO sanitary ). He makes trigger 'bow.' That is SSOOOOO Tom Mix in 1925. He asks Trigger for a kiss. I never ever again want to hear a human say of a horse "He sure kisses juicy!" Roy sings Don't Fence Me In. Then he jumps back on Trigger and makes Trigger "dance" which is cute at first, but the extras standing look less enchanted and more nervous.

Slim FINALLY has an "I will never wash this hand" moment.

Ida Lupino invites a GI to sit down and pretends to be nice to him and show him "the ropes." He tries to give her a French lesson. She humors him so bad it's cruel. Then a French sailor comes up and asks for her autograph. Is this the Hollywood Canteen or the Mustang Ranch.

For a time when Hollywood was ruled by soft-focus and Max Factor, Ida Lupino is a shining beacon of natural beauty.

There's that French sailor again! Chatting up faux blond Irene Manning.

Patty Andrews looks like a man.

Peter Lorre is Sydney Greenstreet's mini-me, peering out from under the crook of Greenstreet's arm. They also talk to each other like pedophile wingmen scoping out a playground, only with less of an understanding of "personal space." Yes, I know Delmer Daves is doing all this on purpose, but it feels so dirty to watch.

Patty Andrews encourages drinking your tallboy with a straw.

Paul Henreid gets hit on by the GI who thinks he knows French. But Paul is more interested in Irish battle axe Mary Gordon. At least that's what Mary thinks until she leaves them alone and they start talking about rubbing noses and animal instinct.

French GI corners Alexis Smith. She's not having any of that nose-rubbin' talk.

Dennis Morgan: "Excuse me fellas but I gotta be a douche bag and go out and do a patriotic song." (By the way, I'm paraphrasing) Also, the term "a spade's a spade" is still racist.

Every patriotic song needs a chorus of people from the kitchen.

Morgan can't carry the number on his own, so Joe E. Brown comes out again and does his thing. He actually manages to look LESS gay when he's sauntering around to different tables with GIs and singing. Oh, and he finds the Asians in the audience.

The French Guido has a homo moment with a HAWT blond sailor who he thinks is Alexis Smith.

"I like these novelty bands that play music the way it's written!" What?!?

I know this is a little bit gay, but LOVES ME the Joan Crawford. If she walked up to me and asked me to dance, I would faint too.

The boys are back at the camp, having a bunkside chat. Gayer! They're talking about democracy. Gayer!

OMG, Farmer's Market! Been there! Oh, and Joan Leslie shops there! Dressed like Heidi!

Aw, Slim and Joan Leslie, sittin' in a tree. The Frenchman can't take it.

The guys aparently were jonesing for the HC so they're back again the third night in a row. And they think they're going to have their millionth man walk through the doors that night. So now we have some exposition about how the different studio departments all contributed, yaddiyaddayadda...

Finally there is a line of people at the entrance. Tension must be built, you see. Slim is the millonth man (surprise!) and he gets kissed by every junior hostess in the house (surprise!). "You didn't know you were somebody special, did you, corporal?"

Bette Davis has the right to pimp out any actress to the millionth man for the weekend. He chooses... Joan Leslie. And of course Slim doesn't forget his best friend. He gets to dance with Dolores Moran, who apparently has really good "give." Oh, and Joan Leslie shows us she can sing. And then they get rice thrown on them as a joke.

Slim is so taken he can't drive straight. Cute.

A 'rice' rumor starts to circulate. Joan Leslie still lives with her folks, who next door to the Shaggy Dog. She apparently is also in the habit of taking men to her home at night before she's married them. Slim just wants to talk though, cuz you know, he's not much of a romantic. And stuff... That's exactly what they end up doing. It's a pretty adorable scene.

Sexy room service girls tell Slim he's married to Joan Leslie. They go to the studio, and Slim can't bare to watch Joan Leslie kiss her scene partner Zachary Scott. It turns out, she really is into him, and wants him to come to dinner with her parents. I feel like I don't need to watch any more of this movie.

Millionth man's friend gets shown around the studio and they stealth-boom him up on a camera crane after he wanders into a 'Ballet Girls Dressing Room.' Then there's a ballet number that is very 'Wedding of the Painted Doll' only slightly less embarrassingly antiquated, and with ballet sailors and a lot of upskirt.

We meet Joan Leslie's family. Her sister is played by her real sister, who looks like the chick from Gambling with Souls. Her parents are played by impostors.

Joseph Szigeti plays 'Flight of the Bumblebee' which, if you believe this movie and Radio Days, was the most popular song in all of World War II. Bette Davis seems really unsure of her announcements. She introduces a second act, and the principals spend most of it arguing about who is a better performer. Sorry, too boring, I'm fast-forwarding.

There's some cute samba music. Dolores Moran and Frenchy sneak off to to go bang up at Hollywoodland. There's a Spanish dance number I also wasn't interested in. Slim has a monologue, and proves he can't pronounce Czechloslovakia. We are treated to a rousing Rainbow Nation montage of everyone sitting at the Hollywood Canteen. Kitty Carlisle asks for a request from Slim as he leaves, and ends up doing a reprise of the song Joan Leslie sang the night before.

Slim waits a little longer, but Joan Leslie isn't anywhere to be found. Somebody tells him he's just being used, but he writes her a note saying he doesn't care either way. Meanwhile, she's stuck at what appears to be the same gas station from Assassin of Youth.

OMG! Union Station! I've been there! And Joan Leslie makes it to say goodbye. They promise to keep on dreaming about each other. Another adorably smaltzy movie that I totally loved.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Wedding Dresses, History and Me

I am currently working my way through a backlog of entries from the podcast Stuff Mom Never Told You, hosted by the always lovely and congenial Cristen Conger and Molly Edmonds, and this past week I heard an excellent episode that not only appealed to my girly side, but mirrored current events (both past and approaching) in my life. It also just got me thinking generally about the topic: Why do brides wear white? At least that was the heading that showed up once iTunes was finished downloading the file; the topic could just have easily been Where to wedding dresses come from? Other than 'shut up, that's why' and 'hopefully somewhere reasonable,' I have a few reactions to the podcast. There are my thoughts.

Just to recap, I had a very dear old friend, well two dear friends, get married recently (they aren't all that old ... late twenties). I also have a cousin who is getting married later this month, and that trip will take me to Charlotte, North Carolina, which I am trying to tell myself will be fun, a chance to see relatives and sample at least one local (and blog about it, using lobby cards from A Woman in Grey as illustrations).

Anyhow, back to weddings. Cristen and Molly stated, at one point, that wedding dresses tend to follow contemporary fashion trends, which is totally true. However, Molly posited that, for example, in a 1970's wedding, "...you'd wear, like, you know, a mini, just like you would wear to go... shopping? Wherever you wear your mini's?" Actually, not as far as I can tell. While I wasn't technically around in the seventies, I can attest to seeing the many wedding photos of not just my parents, but of many friends' parents, all of whom were married in the seventies. All I remember from those photos were long, lace-up-the-front hippy-flavored gypsy dresses. These get-ups were as ubiquitous in these photos as our dads' John Lennon hair cuts. Mini-dresses, however, not so much.

World War II also came up in the discussion. Both sets of grandparents were married during that era, though neither (as far as I can tell) were married in a dress made out of parachute silk. Grandma Kitty and Grandpa Oji-San (Mr. and Mrs. Don Lynch) managed to swing a marriage in Italy in 1944, at the height of the conflict. They were married in a baroque chapel and honeymooned in Sorrento. Sounds romantic, right? Well, for the most part it sounds like it was, but fifty years later, Grandma was a little resentful of the fact that she had to get married in her uniform. Once, when we were watching TV together, a commercial for allergy medication or something started up, and the woman on the screen professed to be so excited about getting married in her mother's wedding gown. Kitty snorted "Nobody would ever want to have been married in my wedding dress!"

My dad's parents, as I said, were also married around that time, and their wedding photo stands in marked contrast. A traditional studio portrait, it shows John Sr. in a three-piece suit and cravate, and Regina in a long, elegant dress and corresponding veil. Again, I can't say whether the dress was made of parachute silk, but I will say that it is gorgeous, understated, and encapsulates the era. Grandma Reggie has never had any pretense about being stylish (she just is) but her wedding gown looks like the equivalent of something Worth or Dior were turning out at the time.

According to Cristen and Molly, the first recorded wedding white wedding dress was that of Queen Victoria I of England. This does actually sound like something I've hear somewhere before, so therefore it must be true. Apparently, Old Vic was the the first bride to have bridesmaids carry her train. My friend Jessie, who just got married, did not have an expansive train as part of her gorgeous gown, but she did work for a company three years ago that was bonding The Young Victoria, an Emily Blunt-starring hoop-skirt-straviganza that needs to come out already (seriously, it's been like three years). So, Jessie's wedding and former job are my connections to the late British monarch and the work of Sandy Powell.

The above photograph was found at a new discovery, the blog Jane Austen's World, which has a lovely illustrated article about weddings from November of last year, titled "Regency Wedding Dresses and Later Developments in Bridal Fashions."

http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me (and Myra Breckenridge)

So today is my birthday. I share this birthday with a few celebrities that people know about (Raquel Welch, Rose McGowan, Michael Keaton) as well as a few who I actually admire and care about (Werner Herzog, Paddy Considine, Arline Pretty - see below left).

Virgos are alluring, but have doughy faces, as Ms. Pretty demonstrates here. I am likewise a bit doughy in the face. As for the alluring part, I don't know so much.

I'm about to go out to celebrate, and I just wanted to post a cute clip of what I was watching right before I left. Here's an unrecognizable Ginger Rogers singing two songs in A Night in a Dormitory (1929), from that period where musicals were so bad they almost died. Just goes to show you that everyone needs a little time to grow into their own. I feel like 23 sounds a lot older than 22 but people keep saying I still have time to grow into myself. I'll take it.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm Not Your 2001 Monkey

It's only the second day of the fall semester, and already I have a fun anecdote. I was sitting right behind a deaf guy in my History 1 class, and of course he had a sign language interpreter on hand, who signed everything the crazy professor had to say, even his weird asides that make me wonder if it's possible to have a GTS attack and also be snarky. Interpreter girl must have been tired by the end of the class. I was just watching her.

In the last quarter part of the time we had in class, the professor showed us the first 15-20 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey, one of those movies that I know and admire, but have only really seen all the way through once, because if I never saw it, I could never be a real boy as so on. Unlike some other movies (Battleship Potemkin, Casablanca - I know, sacrilege) I think 2001 is a great movie, one of those "even it's flaws are interesting" kind of movies. It was nice to see even just a portion of it after at least eight years (I saw it in middle school).

So back to the hot deaf action that was going on in front of me. All three of us - me, deaf guy, sighner girl - all knew that she was under some sort of obligation to "sign" the movie, even though there really isn't any dialog in the parts we were watching (all the stuff with the monkeys, and the ship reaching the space station). If there is any dialog that occurs before Floyd gets off the rotating elevator, it’s not the coherent spoken English kind that might need interpreting. Still, Miss Lady Sign Languagesson still had plenty to say with her hands before the clip was over.

This then begs the question: “What does ‘More monkey noises’ look like in American Sign Language?” Sadly, I cannot describe it. I’d like to think that statement was in her jestures somewhere, but it could just as easily have been “It’s that annoying classical music again.” If this guy stays in the class, maybe someday I’ll learn the difference. Until then, I have a mountain of Math Homework to get through.


PS: The above is not a scene from the film, rather an accurate depiction of life in the bureaucratic labyrinth of despair that my school. Those pendulous clouds are from the fire that is slowly engulfing Los Angeles County. Happy September, y'all.